My husband said something to me a few years ago that really stuck with me. I’m not sure what the circumstances were – maybe we were waiting to hear back about his internship, or really wanted to move out of our first apartment. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is the message, and it’s hitting home for me all too much right now.
“I’m afraid you’re always going to be waiting for the next chapter, never content with where we are now.”
I’ve kept that in the back of my mind, always trying to be content with where I am at any given moment, not looking to the future, as if I’m somehow going to magically be happier there.
We’re in the process of moving from our one-year stint in San Diego to our indefinite home back in Ventura County. Talk about being impatient! San Diego has treated us well for the past twelve months, but I am so ready to be home. If you aren’t familiar with our story – my husband recently got his PhD from UC Santa Barbara, and the last year of the program was an internship. We could have been placed literally anywhere in the country, but thankfully we got San Diego! Believe me; I know it could have been worse.
We have friends here. GOOD friends. Family. The food and culture is great. It’s beautiful. But it’s not home.
The countdown is on for us to BE home, and I just feel like these next two weeks are going to go by so slowly. I’m on Pinterest constantly, dreaming up how I’m going to do our new home (our current apartment isn’t exactly ideal ***as I’m typing this in our no-natural-light dining room-slash-office***). It’s easy to be discontent where we are now.
I have about a thousand ideas for how I’m going to start back up with blogging when we move. I’ll have a studio with natural light! A big kitchen! Do you KNOW what I can do with that? I have an editorial calendar written out, just waiting for the right time and space to implement it. You’ll never realize how much an inspiring workspace can make or break your work until you don’t have one.
Not to mention, I’m twelve weeks pregnant. I don’t *look* pregnant yet. I don’t feel them kicking or moving inside my belly. I’m just sick. All the time. How can I be content when I know that in a few weeks, I’ll (hopefully) feel better and start to have my little pregnant tummy?
Oh…and it’ll be fall soon too.
So, how do I stay content where I am, right now? How do I stay happy while waiting for the next chapter to start?
I think it’s important to recognize that we all have our struggles, and we all deal with them in different ways. Right now, I’m just trying to get through day-to-day. We’re spending a lot of time with our friends in the area. We’re starting to pack and say goodbye to our dark, tiny apartment. I just hope that someday I’ll be content with where I am. And I hope that day is soon.